I picked up a book. One of those books written in first person and you just know aren't written by a person who has actually gone through the events described, but that's okay, cause the message comes through. The book is Go Ask Alice, and I'm just getting to the end now.

There's two endings, one where she gets over the drugs, and one where she doesn't, and a narrator takes over to find her body.

Before that, there's a line about journal writing. But I think when a person gets older she should be able to discuss her problems and thoughts with other people, instead of just with another part of herself.

I feel strangely optimistic.

Hey you guys, what's going on? I figure, just because one of our number has decided to up and go it to Wales, doesn't mean we can't all talk here. I mean, Ry's already proven they are advanced enough to have internets where he is.

So, what's everyone up to?

Holy Fuck! Now the Thames is FLOODING?? London really needs to think about being built around another river!

Once upon a time, there was a little primary school girl. And there was her mother. Her mother the whole depression thing and the girl realised early on that she had to look after herself. She made school lunches. She made sure the doors were locked at night. She went to high school.

A couple of years into high school, the little girl thought something was wrong with her mum. At first she thought it was something she had done. It wasn't. It was another person. A man. And with the man, came a son. He had biting sarcasm and a cunning that matched her own, though she would never had admitted it at the time.

And then there was a boy. A boy who was best friend to one and boyfriend to the other. A really special boy, who had soft eyes and made you believe that someone cared. He brought them out, and made them friends, and made other people friends with them.

And then, one day, he was gone.

Don't forget about us, Ry.

A baby? A baby that's seriously yours?

Do you ever wish for the old days? When you and I and Jocelin and Tristan would lie around on his couch for hours on end? When we'd all light up just because we fancied that the pot smell was getting lost in the walls? Probably the first sign that we didn't need anymore.

It wasn't just all about the drugs, was it? We were all just friends as well, right? Just four kids trying to get by?

Tell me, how do you remember it?

I guess that's that then.

Sleep with me tonight. No snide comments. Let's just, I don't know, give Daniel another reason to be proud of us.

Right. The aftermath of the school massacre seems mostly over for those around me. I've been going to some of Ry's lectures, letting Renee take photographs of me. I've talked to my work about doing less hours, and even though I don't quite know what I want to do to fill in those hours, I feel better about it.

I feel better about it, but something else inside is just miserable. It's like the utter absence of something to flail about is upsetting! God, I'm so disgusting.

How long until I'm kicked out of this place?

I should have let Jocelin ...

People seem to be all doing so much with their lives. It's great to see everyone so... so caught up in things that make them happy, and make their lives much better.

I feel like I want to do something to. Something more than just work in a shop for the rest of my young life. I never really gave that thought when I started, but I think I'm starting to now. There are a couple of girls who are still there who were there when I started but...

I just don't know, if I went out and tried to find something that made me happy, and made my life much better... what would that thing be?